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By Glenn
Goodwin
Part
of the mission of the church is to promote strong families. It is
impossible to have a strong church composed of weak families.
Marriage is part of God’s order for humanity. It may not be God’s
individual will for everyone to be married, but marriage, as an
institution, was created for mankind in the Garden of Eden – as a
benefit and blessing.
We can have
stronger, more peaceful, more blessed, more ideal marriages and
families. While the Lord does not promise every one of us material
wealth, or even physical health, He has given us the resources we
need to have a happy home. No child of God has to live in an
unhappy, unchristian environment.
Marriage
In this issue,
we will address Christian marriage; later parts of this series will
progress to family life. Let me first state that it is not God’s
will for everyone to marry. Jesus said that some were eunuchs for
the kingdom of heaven’s sake. Matthew 19:12. Paul felt, that for the
time they were in, that the single life was best. I Corinthians
7:26-27. But for most people, most of the time, the will of God
includes marriage.
Marriage is a
part of every society. Even pagan society, and the ungodly
pseudo-Christian society we have today, have always had some sort of
marital relationship between couples. Modern society has greatly
diminished the binding effect of marriage – with easy, multiple
divorces, extramarital sex, and homosexuality – but marriage is
still regarded as a normal part of modern life.
Throughout
history, nearly every society saw marriage as necessary. It was seen
as permission for a man and wife to engage in sexual relations, it
was seen as a safe and wholesome way to raise children, and it was
an important part of every functioning economy. But in true
Christianity, marriage reaches its highest potential.
Among God’s
people, marriage is sacred. The family is a creation of God. He
created families to ensure that truth and godly order are maintained
and passed on from generation to generation.
A Christian
family is formed when a Christian man and a Christian woman swear
before God that they will cherish, honor, keep, and support each
other, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad times, as
long as they both shall live. This is a sacred, binding oath. It is
a sin to break the vow you made – not just to each other, but to
God.
In Genesis one
and two, we see that God ordained marriage and families. He did so
before man had sinned. The marital relationship is perhaps our only
remaining tie to the Garden of Eden. When it is functioning
properly, and when a man and a woman really manifest a sacrificial
love for each other, marriage can be a little bit of paradise in the
midst of a cursed world. Life is hard; there are problems on the
job; there are bills to pay; and so much more – but the home can be
Eden’s garden.
In a Christian
marriage, a woman can reach her full potential. Proverbs 31:10-11
shows that a good wife is a valuable treasure. In a Christian
marriage, a husband rises to his highest potential. I Peter 3:7 says
that a husband and wife are heirs together of the grace of life.
When their relationship is right, there is no hindrance to answered
prayers.
When the New
Testament was written, Roman law did not give many rights to the
wife. Only men could be citizens, and only men had legal rights.
Even the Mosaic law of the Jews did not really give women a lot of
rights or elevate her. She was viewed as only a helper for her
husband.
But in the new
Christian religion of 2000 years ago, marriage was elevated to a
height it had never known, perhaps since the days of the Garden of
Eden. The wife’s position in the home is as great and as sacred as
the position of her husband. She is not just a helper in this
present world; she is a fellow-heir with him of eternal life.
Jesus died for
the church. Ephesians 5:25. A Christian marriage shows the wonderful
love between Christ and His church. No other analogy would have
done. There is no other institution with which humans can relate
which would demonstrate the great love of Christ for the church. Our
Lord loved the church enough to die for her. His love for her was
self-sacrificial.
In verses
22-23, the Apostle Paul wrote that Christian marriage is a mystery,
because it is to show the devotion, the love, the fidelity, and the
sacrifice of the relationship of Christ and His church.
Any marriage
that does not accurately portray the loving relationship of Christ
and His church is out of biblical order. Husbands and wives, maybe
you should talk about this. How does your marriage measure up? Are
you devoted to your spouse, like Christ is devoted to His church?
Are you mentally and actually maintaining true fidelity? Fidelity
means keeping your vow of devoting your sexual relations to only
your spouse. Any actual contact with another is adultery. But Jesus
said mental lusting after another is adultery, too. Matthew 5:28.
The homes of the married couples in the body of Christ should have
the peace and tranquility that characterizes the relationship
between Christ and His redeemed. If not, then we need to work on
getting there.
A godly home
is to be a miniature representation of the coming kingdom of God.
While it cannot eliminate death and all of the effects of the curse,
family life should be indicative of the coming kingdom order. It
should reflect the wisdom and gentleness of command seen in Jesus.
It should reflect the obedience, the unity, and the mutual
confidence that will characterize the millennial kingdom.
The true
church is to also be a miniature representation of the kingdom.
Biblically the church is above the family. You can see this in
Paul’s writings to the Ephesians. He proceeded through that letter
in a specific order. In chapter four, and part of chapter five, Paul
gloried in the church, using lofty language to describe its
greatness, its mission, its ministry, etc. Then, part way through
chapter five, he writes about the order of a godly family. The
church is first, the families are second, but the church cannot go
on to perfection if the families in it are not going on to
perfection.
We need a
strong church; but the church can be no stronger than the combined
strength of the families that are a part of that church. It is
impossible to have a strong church composed of weak families. While
we focus much attention on obtaining divine order in our church, we
cannot neglect the need for divine order in our families.
I think the
primary reason for the continual growth of some cults is the
perception that they are a “family-oriented” group. People who know
very little about their doctrines (which are truly strange) admire
the closeness of operation of these families. The body of Christ
should not pattern after this Babylonish organization, but I believe
the families in our churches should be better, sweeter, more godly,
more holy, more loving, more involved, more united, more exciting,
more peaceful, more gracious, more refined, and happier than the
families that make up the churches of Babylon.
The Christian
Husband
Although men
and women are equal before God, the Lord intended for them to have
diverse roles and responsibilities. Galatians 3:28 states the
glorious truth that in Christ, there is neither male nor female.
Yet, the head of the woman is the man. I Corinthians 11:3. The
husband is the head of the wife. Ephesians 5:22-25. In any venture,
someone has to be in charge, whether it is a business, an army
troop, or a Christian home. In God’s order, the husband is in charge
in the home – not as a despot or dictator, but as an example of
gentleness and grace.
One of the
problems in modern society, which has led directly to the breakup of
many homes, is the refusal to abide in the order God intended for
families. God instituted marriage. Genesis 2:18-24. He intended for
it to be a blessed, rewarding experience, for both the husband and
the wife. A family is not to be characterized by bitterness,
frustration, arguments, discord, etc.
The Bible
teaches that a husband should assume certain leadership
responsibilities. Modern society disagrees. Modern society is wrong.
I Corinthians 16:13-14: “Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you
like men, be strong. Let all your things be done with charity.” In
this statement, the Apostle Paul offered four major points as
qualifications for leadership that apply to a husband in the home.
First, he must
be alert. The scripture says, “Watch ye.” This alertness is
particularly directed toward spiritual dangers which threaten his
home and family. He should have the foresight to see where actions
and attitudes will ultimately lead. Proverbs 27:12. He must accept
the responsibility for leading his family, and protecting them
spiritually, emotionally, and physically. He is the one primarily
responsible for seeing ahead, and being aware of pitfalls, traps and
dangers for his family.
Second, he
must be firm in the faith. He is to “stand fast in the faith.”
Leadership involves portraying a correct example. A man should be
active in the truth. He should have confidence in God, and the
church the Lord has established. A wife and children must see their
husband and father as a steady example of faith and truth. He should
not send his wife and children to church; he should take them to
church.
Many are soon
shaken; it does not take much to rock their boat. Any wind of
adversity tempts them, and tries their faith. But a wife and
children need to see the head of the home holding steady in trials.
Third, the man
must have strength. “Quit you like men, and be strong.” Fulfill the
role God assigned to the male in marriage. The man cannot be morally
weak. This does not involve the strength of muscles and
body-building; rather, it is an inner strength to endure
tribulations, trials, hardships, etc. Rather than being strong in
the physical, they are to “be strong in the Lord, and in the power
of his might.” Ephesians 6:10. This strength enables a person to
“stand against the wiles of the devil.” Verse 11.
The final
characteristic of leadership is love. Love should be a major concern
of all men. His other qualities – alertness, faith, strength – must
always be tempered by love. If not, his alertness can turn into
judgmentalism or harshness, his faith may be some hypocritical
attitude of superiority, and his strength can turn to brutal force.
But love, the charity of I Corinthians 13:4-7, can thoroughly infuse
every aspect of life.
Of course, the
greatest example for any man, any husband, any father, is the life
of Jesus Christ. His relationship with the church is an example of
how a husband and father should relate to his wife and family.
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church,
and gave himself for it . . . So ought men to love their wives as
their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man
ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth it and cherisheth it,
even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his
flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father
and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be
one flesh . . . let every one of you in particular so love his wife
even as himself.” Ephesians 5:25, 28-33.
The Apostle
Peter also wrote about the relationship of a husband to his wife.
“Likewise ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge,
giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being
heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not
hindered.” I Peter 3:7.
It is
important to realize that husbands dwell with their wives “according
to knowledge.” That is, every aspect of the relationship is based on
much consideration, contemplation, meditation. And the husband is to
honor his wife. It is never right for a husband to disrespect his
wife, publicly, or privately. God has ordained that a husband and
wife are heirs “together” of the grace of life. Any husband who
fails to live up to this standard will find that God is not
answering his prayers.
So much more
could be said about the role of the husband in a Christian home.
Space limitations preclude a complete and thorough examination of
the husband’s role. He must put his family’s interests ahead of his
own. His love must be self-sacrificial. His family is more important
that his career. He must be careful about his own morality. His
mistakes affect not only himself, but his wife and his children.
A man has to
be big enough to admit his mistakes. He also has to be big enough to
correct his mistakes, and to go forward. He must provide for his
family, or else he is despicable in God’s eyes. I Timothy 5:8.
Providing for the family includes more than material provisions; a
husband and father must also provide spiritual things.
The Christian
Wife
Again, so much
could be said about the biblical role, duties, and responsibilities
of a Christian wife and mother. Space limitations preclude a full
and complete discussion of these important biblical principles.
While men and women stand equal before God, God created the woman
different from the man. He designed her with unique sensitivity, and
made her the type of His church. A godly woman, like the true
church, is to be caring, sensitive, humble, modest, and giving. God
created women with the qualities that He expects to find in His
church.
Regardless of
the current culture of the world, God expects Christian women to
exhibit femininity. God abhors homosexuality, and any blurring of
the two sexes. God’s expectation is that the two sexes be outwardly
differentiated in three ways: by their hair, dress, and actions. I
Corinthians 11:5-15 says that women should have long hair. Some
don’t like it, but it is Bible. The Bible also demands that the
sexes maintain a clear distinction in clothing. Deuteronomy 22:5.
God hates effeminate men; femininity is reserved for women. I
Corinthians 6:9.
When a woman
becomes a wife, she assumes additional duties and responsibilities.
God instituted the marriage. When a Christian man and woman enter
into a marriage covenant, they realize that God joined the two of
them together. Matthew 19:6. They did not just choose each other;
the sovereign God of the universe joined them. The husband is to
cleave to his wife, and they are to become one flesh. Genesis 2:24.
At the
beginning of creation, God looked at the man He had made, and said,
“It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an
help meet for him.” Genesis 2:18. The Hebrew words for help meet
indicate that a woman was created to assist Adam to reach complete
fulfillment. Adam was incomplete. Eve corresponded to him perfectly
– physically, mentally, emotionally, and in every way. Because of
their differences, they completed one another. This was God’s plan.
The introduction of sin into creation has not changed God’s original
plan and purpose.
“Wives submit
yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Ephesians
5:22. The Greek word for “submit” means “to place in an orderly
fashion under.” God is a God of order. There has to be some
organization, and someone in control of any institution. In the
home, the husband has to be the manager. The wife, therefore, is to
be submissive to her husband. That does not mean she is a slave, nor
that her husband completely dominates every aspect of her life.
She is to
submit to her husband as the church submits to Christ. Christ is a
loving husband, who only seeks submission for the betterment of His
church. When a wife has a godly husband, her submission is for her
better. The husband is only concerned about what is best for his
wife, for his family. That submission is not for the husband’s
gratification of his dominance. And “submission” is not just for
wives. Husbands must submit too. See I Corinthians 7:4. In fact,
Ephesians 5:21 says that all Christians are to submit “one to
another.”
Since marriage
is a type of the relationship between Christ and the church,
husbands must be ready to die for their wives. But wives must also
be ready to live for their husbands. In God’s order for the
marriage, the woman is to be weaker but not less intelligent;
submissive but not subservient; and, subordinate but not inferior.
“Nevertheless,
in [the plan of] the Lord and from His point of view woman is not
apart from and independent of man, nor is man aloof from and
independent of woman; For as woman was made from man, even so man is
also born of woman; and all [whether male or female go forth] from
God, [as their Author].” I Corinthians 11:11-12 — Amplified Bible.
A Christian
woman is to be physically - a woman, emotionally - a lady; and
spiritually – a Christian.
Our marriages
in this fellowship of churches should be the most peaceful, most
loving, most blessed marriages of any people on earth.
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