Webster defined Communication as imparting or interchanging of thoughts, opinions or information by speech or writing. In other words if you’re talking to the wall - you’re NOT communicating. It takes two...one speaking and one listening.

 

Can you remember back to when you were dating? You couldn’t wait to call your girlfriend or boyfriend and when you saw them you wanted to stay and talk and talk and when you had to leave you’d rush home and call them up and talk some more? When you got married, you probably felt this was no longer a necessity so communication slowly begins to end. We must NOT take our spouse for granted, but take time to talk.

 

Communication is to marriage as blood is to the body. It is the life source of your marriage. It is important to consider your partner’s viewpoint, to appreciate his or her needs and to defuse potentially stressful situations with a discreet word. If you are married, work at being pleasant to live with and easy to apologize to. That will go a long way in making your marriage a good one.

 

Proverbs 26:20 states - Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out. Words are powerful. With them you can cut people to ribbons or we can bind each other up.

 

Put simply; Communication is the KEY to a great marriage. Great communication does not just happen - it must be something that both parties work for.

 

As stated before, communication is the life-blood of any relationship. Women need to air feelings while men want to offer solutions. Women are generally more sensitive than men. Women have a tendency to relate more to the feelings and emotions of an issue. Women need these feelings aired and supported. Women tend to be more communicative than men. For women, talking is an important way to create and confirm closeness. Sharing our thoughts and ideas with our husband is done not necessarily in an attempt to find answers but to show our closeness and reliance on him. When we converse we like to ask lots of questions. We also tend to interrupt often when others are speaking, which is not always good.

 

Men, however, appear to be more analytical. They find it extremely difficult to air their feelings. Words don’t come as easy to them. Men do, however, have a propensity to offer solutions. They want to fix problems. Men communicate basically to exchange information. Men like to talk about facts, ideas and new things they have learned. They seldom interrupt when others are speaking. Men tend to work out problems on their own, without seeking external advice. So, when these two irresistible forces come into contact it is no wonder that conflict results.

 

Here are some things that can be done to improve communication. Use these tools to have a Godly relationship that is built upon a strong base of active communication.

1. Pray together. By this one action, you are involving the most important individual as a partner in everything you do. When you hear your spouse communicating to the Father, there is a trust and admiration that is built in your heart that will not easily be destroyed.

2. Active listening. Pay careful attention. Listen for feelings underlying the words. Repeat to the speaker what you hear. Acknowledge the feelings.

3. Openness and trust. Don’t allow your relationship to become encumbered by suspicion, pride, or spirit of competition. Let your partner be your confidante, your closest associate.

4. Kindness and tenderness. Kindness can create an environment of warmth and safety. In such an atmosphere even when emotions run high, friction will be minimized. Tenderness creates an environment in which love can grow.

5. Humor. A sense of humor can alleviate even the most tense of moments. It can relieve the tension that too often cripples clear thinking.

The flip side to communication is listening. Communication cannot take place without at least one person speaking and one person listening. Sometimes you have to listen to people talk all day on the job and when you get home - you have to listen to your spouse talk. Whew! That’s a lot of listening. You’d think that with all the practice we get and with all the attention this skill has received that we’d all be pretty good at it. But you know what? Most of us aren’t. We’re not very good listeners most of the time. It’s not because we’re lazy or stupid or uncommitted, or anything like that...it’s just that we all have trouble with listening because....Listening....is not a simple skill!

 

Let’s look at 5 keys to improve your listening skills. While we can’t promise that understanding these keys will always work, we can tell you ignoring them or not paying attention to them will definitely lead to trouble.

 

Don’t avoid conflict. There will always be some conflict in marriage. Don’t avoid it - it will find you and if you are not watching for it, it could sideswipe you. You will have disagreements and knowing that you will have them in itself will make handling them easier. Avoiding conflict, walking on egg shells so to speak, being afraid of rocking the boat or keeping peace at any price will hurt a marriage.

 

Look at these steps that may help you handle disputes and resolve differences:

1. Make sure you clarify what it is you are discussing

2. If either of you are too angry to discuss the situation or problem, then set a time to get together later to discuss it

3. Be flexible and open to other solutions than your own. A willingness to compromise is important

4. Don’t push one another’s buttons. Don’t be sarcastic or attack one another’s self image.

5. Don’t interrupt one another. Listen. Be aware of your own body language and what it may be saying.

6. Talk in a calm, respectful voice. Ranting, raving, and throwing things accomplishes nothing.

Direct communication is always best. As the old saying goes: mean what you say and say what you mean. If you want or need something, tell your spouse. If your spouse is doing something that bothers you, tell him or her why it bothers you and what you would like your spouse to do. As with all communication, however, the secret is in the delivery. Never be disrespectful. If your spouse reacts badly to something you’ve said, it’s possible that he or she didn’t understand what you meant. Before you overreact, take time to find out what your spouse was talking about and if necessary, explain what is you were trying to say. Proverbs 16:24 reads “pleasant sayings are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and a healing to the bones.”

 

Much can often be learned by taking note of how compatible marriage mates communicate with each other. What has made them that way? One good example in most everyone of our assemblies is the Pastor and his wife. Observe their interaction and see if you don’t discover a harmony that has developed through the years. Most likely, their harmony and the ease with which they communicate have resulted from personal effort, patience and loving consideration. They themselves apparently had a lot to learn, for good marriages do not happen automatically. God wants people to enjoy happy, lasting marriages. But the key lies in the hands of those united in wedlock. It takes two loving people who really work together to unlock the door to a successful marriage by mastering the art of wholesome communication.