|
By
Jesse Neuenschwander
God in His
wisdom instituted the social establishment known as marriage. The
arrangement whereby one man and one woman under God’s direction
commit themselves to each other was intended to provide a lifetime
of satisfaction and fulfillment. This establishment is perfect; it
cannot be improved upon.
Marriage
was established at Creation and, after six thousand years, is still
popular today. Young people seek a life companion. Widows and
widowers often desire to remarry and thus refill that void left by
the former companion’s death. Even divorcees will try it again.
Since the
desire for marriage is so strong, why do many, after a time, destroy
what they earlier had so completely enjoyed?
After
reading an account of a man who became bitter toward his wife and
finally devised a plot to kill her, I raise the questions, Was there
not a day when he loved her enough to marry her? What happened?
Since the institution is perfect, we conclude that the problem is
with the individual. What is wrong with the person who no longer
loves his companion? Why do so many marriages fall apart?
1.
Mature Love Is Missing
Sometimes
“falling in love” seems more important than being in love. Novels,
movies, and dramas glamorize the “falling in love” and the natural
interest that this excites and feeds. These influences only distort
true love, making a lifetime of fidelity look rather unremitting.
It is far
better to think of love as beginning with the natural attraction
between a man and woman and maturing and growing in caring and
commitments. A marriage like this becomes progressively more
satisfying and meaningful. Problems are faced squarely and are
solved promptly. With each passing year, each partner realizes that
he has definitely found his “one and only”.
Even a
child becomes infatuated with new things, but it takes a degree of
maturity to stay in love and thus achieve a successful and
satisfying marriage.
2. A
Spiritual Dimension Is Missing
It is
possible that a marriage in which the spiritual interests are
overlooked may be successful, but in our day it is not very likely.
The Bible
teaches that marriage is a physical, social, and spiritual entity.
Since it is God who joins the two persons (Mark 10:19), it is a
spiritual relationship. Even non-Christians who regard the spiritual
nature of the institution receive benefits in this life that those
who deny the sacredness of marriage do not experience. Conflicts and
stresses in married life will not break up the marriage that is
considered sacred. Those involved realize that they are responsible
to a higher law or power. This gives incentive to work through
marriage difficulties rather than seeking a divorce or separation
(Mark 10:11-12).
We
conclude that many marriage breakups in our land are an indication
that marriage is no longer regarded as sacred. This spiritual
decline is a root cause of many marriage failures.
3.
Selflessness Is Missing
The
fallen, sinful nature of man is expressed in self-interest and
self-satisfaction. When two persons live together in the bond of
marriage, and both live only for self satisfaction, there is bound
to be conflict.
True love
motivates a deepening experience in which self-satisfaction becomes
less obvious and the companion’s joy and security becomes more
important. Seeking the companion’s well-being is something that
calls for a continued maturing – the kind of maturity that does not
demand that things must be done “my way”.
4.
Children Are Missing
The
Scriptures refer to children as a “heritage of the Lord”. To rear
the family for God is one of God’s intended purposes for marriage
(Genesis 1:28). When a married couple is unwilling to be responsible
for children, they have taken away one of the strong pillars for a
happy marriage.
Children
can be a cause of stress between a husband and wife. They demand
time that the father and mother formerly had for each other. They
must be disciplined, and perhaps the parents disagree on the best
method. But when parents see their children as a God-sent
responsibility, and train them according to Bible principles,
children become a strength rather than a stress.
Even when
unbelieving parents regard their children as a pleasant
responsibility, God will bless such parents with a cohesion that is
often lacking when parenthood is deliberately avoided. Marriage does
not need to end on the rocks. God instituted it for man’s perfect
enjoyment. When seen as a relationship that grows and deepens with
time and effort, as a spiritual relationship with social
obligations, as the divinely planned setting for child training, and
as a selfless seeking of the partners good, marriage will work.
Entered at God’s direction, and carried out by God’s grace, marriage
will not fail. Will you allow God to help you regain what is missing
in your marriage?
|
